Today I have been thinking about everything. There are days where I cruise along in auto pilot, keeping up with the demands of a child with Selective Mutism, Speech Delays and Sensory Processing Issues. Every now and again a sense of panic can seize, one that asks many questions such as; when will this end? I am not sure I can cope with this all of the time? what are we missing? I can't think any more how to solve this problem? is my son going to fall behind because those around him can't hear what is going on in his mind? are we going to run out of money? how do we afford all of this? are we doing enough? why does it feel like I have two sons one that lives with me and one that only comes out when others are around? Am I doing enough? have the right therapist?. Moments of doubt can threaten to take control.
The reality is we all get tired, over it, some days we just wish that things were normal and we didn't have to think all the time, work all the time. I realise that I have a son that has needs that are invisible can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. However I am grateful that I have a child who is healthy, well and does not have any other complex needs like some other brave parents and children I know. The reality is that we don't always know if what we are doing is the right thing or if it will help, if we are making mistakes. It is a little like navigation once we have everything in place, then we need to sit tight and stay on course, making space for changes along the way. We just need to keep going.
All of this is a gentle reminder to me, there are other important questions I need to ask myself that are more important than the questions of doubt; what is the goal we are trying to achieve with this, what is it going to look like when my son is no longer bound by fear and then secondly how am I? self care is one of the most important things we can do for our children yet the hardest and most neglected. It is amazing how often we can find ourselves in the same place, some principles are more effective when we practice them regularly, self care can be just like maintenance. If we maintain ourselves well then the little issues that pop up aren't so devastating, if we neglect ourselves then chances are then we can have a complete break down, which do we prefer? The answer should be easy!