Learning to trust my insticts

This is how the story goes when we had the second appointment with Josiah there, we had some issues with Josiah playing with me and not with her, he turned his back to her and she was not able to engage him I was waiting for her to take the lead and this did not occur. What happened next was the most concerning, she asked to speak to me privately. Then I was questioned as to "why I had taken over the session? was I trying to overcompensate for my son" through the conversation she then stated that I had anxiety issues and a problem with anxiety, I explained that any anxiety was because I was dealing with a stressful situation and it was hard being a parent to a child with SM. Then I was informed my fears about other opinions are my own internal fears and not real. She also told me that she was not willing to work in the school and felt this was unnecessary and she would decide if it was necessary.

So we made a time to see her, my husband informed her Josiah would not be coming. When we arrived she asked where Josiah was, good listening skills right there. After some discussion I asked the worker about the issue of her not being willing to attend the school if needed. Her response showed us how inflexible she would be to work with. I said to the worker that from my research a lot of the work done usually happens in the school. The response was that I am not arguing with you. She could not see any benefit from working in the school and would only work from her therapy room. She then said that calling what Josiah has as Selective Mutism narrows the focus.

My decision was being made during the session that my anxiety only arrived with her criticism of me, and how I relate to my son. Every moment I was with her I felt like I was fighting her and I said I felt a clash between us, she had no idea of this. Thinking of working with the psychologist that we need to pay for, brought me back the peace that I had lost ever since I had worked with her. Since then I have heard that she has questioned if my son has an intellectual disability, this confirms my choice. From seeing my son for less than half an hour how can she make that assumption based on good professional evidence, this is most definitely a questionable judgement. If she had read the paediatrician report that we had given her, she would have that he ruled out an intellectual disability.

What have I learnt from this, should I compromise and accept second best for my son who is still in crisis and only just beginning to talk again, the answer would be no. What is best for my son is what I should be striving for, not second best, not what goes against my better judgement and not someone who does not empower me but dis-empower me and make me feel like I am a bad parent.